Wired for negativity (& how I’m getting over it)
I’ve been alive long enough now to know my mind is my best friend and worst enemy.
The down times are the hardest because, biologically, we are hardwired for negativity. A quick search on the negativity bias will tell you why. In a nutshell, it’s a survival skill we’ve developed as a species to keep ourselves safe.
Paying attention to the things we label bad, dangerous, or negative is our brain’s way of dissecting experiences and information so we’re better prepared for similar situations or decisions in the future. It’s a loop that’s very hard for me to get out of.
Ruminating on the negative things of the past felt like protection. I thought if I studied these things closely & understood why they happened, it would keep those experiences from happening again.
In reality, I was just replaying my pain. Over and over again. It’s an issue because our brain cannot tell the difference between real, physical threats and perceived threats (the ones our minds create out of fear, anxiety, shame, and all that fun stuff).
So I’ve really had to make a conscious effort to get my mind under control and my head in a better place so that I could stop worrying so much and start living.
Here’s a very practical list of things I’ve learned to do to get there:
I don’t blame myself for noticing negative things anymore
Since learning we’ve evolved to notice negativity as an entire human race — I’m much more accepting of what I feel — it’s a bad moment, not a bad life
When ruminating, I actively make an effort to stop myself & tell my brain we’re safe
Now that I understand my brain is just trying to keep me from danger, I actively tell myself that we’re okay, I got it, most of the things that make me want to run are things that I can handle (and you can too)
I move before I feel ready to
Forcing myself to be present by doing something I normally enjoy helps me build momentum, even if I want to hate everything in that moment
It may not make a difference immediately, but it’ll build up small positive moments over time, doing at least one good thing for yourself everyday is a pace that we can sustain
Last, but definitely not least, I stay in the Word
Sometimes the only thing that brings me peace is knowing I’m part of something bigger — it makes everything I worry about 10x smaller
“Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (Colossians 3:2)
Notice it, sit with it, move with it. Rinse and repeat. It’s a bad moment, not a bad life.
