Growing up sensitive

“Sensitive” is a word I became very familiar with growing up. “Quiet” and “shy” followed me like bad nicknames.

My heart would skip two beats anytime I was left alone with someone out of fear they’d think I’m boring. That fear would turn me to silence. After 1, 2, 3 too many questions asking, “Why are you so quiet?” I eventually decided it was easier not to socialize at all.

Fear and anxiety often convinced me that nothing I had to say was valuable enough for someone to listen. Noticing the slightest expression of disinterest was enough for me to wish I never said anything at all.

Processing the world, emotions, and my place in all of it always felt overwhelming.

My mood was never just my mood but the sum of everyone’s in my vicinity.

Being labeled “too sensitive” often felt like something to be ashamed of. If you’ve ever been in a similar situation, you’d know it makes you feel fragile while also making your blood burn.

Equating sensitivity with weakness is tired. Let’s put it to rest. Being sensitive is one of the most powerful traits for navigating a world whose attention is everywhere and nowhere at the same time. It’s being able to see what others might miss and the instinct to listen beyond the noise.

If I could go back in time, I wish I could let my younger self know:

1. Nothing’s wrong with you

2. Research HSP’s and empaths

3. Show up for yourself everyday

Nothing’s wrong with you!

As a kid, being a sensitive, overthinker felt like a weight on my back I couldn’t really explain. You’re aware and stressed about emotions and thoughts you don’t even really know how to put into words yet.

People liked to say that I’m an “old soul” or “very mature” for my age. Hearing those things never helped with how alienated I already felt around my classmates who seemed light on their feet.

It became a regular thing, asking my mom through tears, “Why can’t I let go and be myself like everyone else?”

Naively, I used to think “letting go and being myself” meant that I’d somehow be loud, funny, and stress-free all the time. Quiet and introspective often felt like traits I should be ashamed of, things I would eventually “grow-out of”.

But what happens if I don’t grow out of it? For a long time, I waited for a day where all of a sudden I wasn’t reserved and sensitive anymore. I learned to hate the reality of who I am.

Things changed when somebody in a college class mentioned their experience as an HSP, short for Highly Sensitive Person.

I started to wonder, maybe THAT’S the reason my emotions feel so big all the time.

Research HSP’s and empaths

There are many articles I’ve read now as an adult that I wish someone would have explained to me as a kid. I resonate with many of the experiences written by highly sensitive people and empaths. Here are a few resources I would have loved growing up:

1. The Empath’s Guide to Healing and Self-Care

   • This helped me understand why others’ moods effect mine so much. It also gives practical tips for navigating relationships with other people as someone who easily picks up on feelings and energies that can be overwhelming.

2. What Does It Mean to Be Highly Sensitive?

   • This article helped me understand why I’ve always felt things so deeply, and not in the cheesy “I just LOVE SO hard,” kind of way. More in the “I’m easily stressed by a lot of things,” kind of way. It takes me days to recover from any emotionally taxing experience, I’ve cried after movies and shows with too much gore, and I’m overwhelmed in situations with too much going on. This article is helpful as it also breaks down the science behind an HSP’s mind.

3. 4 traits and 5 hidden powers of highly sensitive people (HSPs)

   • It’s easy to frame sensitivity as weakness. Being sensitive sounds opposite of what being strong means in popular culture, at least in America. Strong seems like the person who can handle 100 things at once or keeps pushing despite external emotion and circumstance. While that kind of strength has its place, this article sheds light on how sensitivity is also powerful for more reasons than one. This note being my favorite, “With their unique combination of intense awareness and profound empathy, HSPs are poised to make the world a better place.”

Show up for yourself everyday

Everyday we have the choice to beat ourselves up or build ourselves up.

Choosing to show up for myself everyday and nurture, rather than reject, my quiet-side and sensitivity was a crucial decision that changed the course of my life. I was no longer run by assumptions people had about who I am because I accepted those parts of myself in question. Understanding those traits deeply allowed me to be open and honest with myself and others.

I’d talk to the people who brought me peace, removed myself from situations I felt uncomfortable in, and also tried a bunch of new things to see what was and wasn’t for me. Eventually, I found the traits of compatible friends, strangers, and settings that allowed me to be who I am without shame or restraint. I didn’t force things if it didn’t feel right, and I cultivated a peace in my life so deep that it became easier to discern when something didn’t fit.

These are the cards you’ve been dealt, and it’s a hand that’s completely unique to you.

Every misunderstanding of who you are begins to hold less weight when you realize some people just don’t see the power you hold.

That’s okay.